Best Damn Bachelor Party
by Ilovemesomekillianjones
Summary: Commiserating over the traditions of bachelorette and bachelor parties, Emma and Killian end up having their own celebration on the eve of their wedding. A little bachelorette/bachelor party fic on the eve of the Captain Swan Wedding! Thanks to like-waves-on-the-beach for the read through and writer support!


~K~

"A what?" Killian asked, looking as befuddled as he had when Henry had congratulated him on their Wookie prisoner gag.

"A bachelor party," David and Henry repeated in unison.

The three most important men in Emma Swan's life sat together at a corner booth in Granny's discussing the plan of action for tonight. It was the night before David would walk his baby girl down the aisle, the first rite of passage he would get to experience as Emma's father. It was Henry's last night before officially having a stepfather, and seeing his mother marry the love of her life. And it was Killian's last night as a bachelor, although he didn't quite see the importance of celebrating his single status.

"Why on earth would I celebrate being a bachelor? I've been a bachelor for lifetimes. I'll be a married man tomorrow, now that is something to celebrate," Killian exclaimed.

David's heart swelled a little bit at the happiness that Killian exuded, knowing that this reformed pirate was going to be the absolute perfect husband for his daughter. "Well, that's just it, a bachelor party is one last hurrah, one last celebration as a free and single man."

"And as I said, what I truly wish to celebrate is marrying Emma. So why don't we have an 'I'm getting married' party instead?"

"You want a wedding shower?" David smirked.

"Aye, I quite like the sound of that. Now, just what does a wedding shower entail?"

"Jesus Christ, Hook, it was a joke. Wedding showers are for women… for the bride to be, not the groom!" David explained, exasperation at his future son-in-law coloring his tone. _The blushing groom,_ he thought.

"Oi, mate, no need for sarcasm," Killian shot back. "I don't know everything about your realm. If it is a bachelor party I must have, then so be it."

"Alright!" Henry pumped his fist into the air. "So what's the plan fellas?"

David's eyes about bugged out of his head at his grandson's assumption that he would be at the bachelor party. A celebration among men. "Whoa, Henry, I'm not so sure your mother would be on board with you being at a bachelor party."

"Gramps, we live in Storybrooke, it's not like there will be drugs and strippers."

David was speechless as he tried to pick his jaw up off the floor. Why was Henry even saying the word stripper? How did he even know about strippers? And drugs? _He's growing up too quickly_ , David panicked, now he positively felt like a grandpa as the need to keep Henry young and innocent surged through him. When he looked at Killian, the grin he saw on the pirate's face wasn't what he was hoping to see. He narrowed his eyes at Hook, as the man made eye contact with him, eyes filled with mirth no less. "What are you teaching my grandson?" David asked accusingly.

"I'm a pirate, Dave, not a man whore," Killian deadpanned. He didn't hold it against David, it was easy to blame a pirate, especially in uncomfortable situations; like when your grandson mentions naked women. Killian tried to school his features as he was having a hard time not bursting into laughter over the prince's outrage.

"Grandpa, every movie that mentions a bachelor party also mentions drugs, alcohol, and strippers. Killian isn't corrupting me," Henry explained before muttering, "and believe me, I've tried."

"I believe what the lad is saying is I am a damn good influence on him… _gramps_ ," Killian said smugly.

David bristled at the nickname. "That's rich coming from someone old enough to be my great, great, great, great, great, gr-"

"We get the bloody point," Killian cut him off. "I have a small window of time to spend with my future wife before this bachelor party, let me know when you have a plan."

"I'm going to head out with Killian, Grandpa, I need to grab some things from the house, and then figure out where I am staying tonight since I'm not invited to the bachelor party, and I'm so not going to a bachelorette party."

"A what now?" Killian asked, eyebrow arched skyward.

"A bachelorette party," David and Henry repeated in unison.

"Yeah, yeah, I heard you. But who will- I mean, what is, why isn't she having the wedding shower you mentioned... is Emma not excited to get married?"

Henry and David both laughed a little despite the pirate's downtrodden expression. The wind had definitely been taken out of his sails.

"What? Seriously, Killian, is that a real question? Of course mom wants to marry you," Henry said matter-of-factly, while standing up from the table. He slapped a hand on Killian's back, "Come on, groomzilla."

"Groom what?" Killian asked as he let Henry usher him out the door of the diner.

David watched as they walked away, his heart constricting just a little at the sight before him, Emma's family, his family, growing again.

Back at home Henry started with his explanation before Killian could start in with his questions. "Bachelor and bachelorette parties _are_ a celebration of getting married, but it's a chance to celebrate with close friends and family without your future spouse. It's a perfect plan too, since something tells me you are as superstitious as the average pirate, and have no intention of seeing mom the night before the wedding. And just so you know, she doesn't want a bachelorette party anymore than you want a bachelor party. Grandma, mom, and Belle want to throw a party for her."

"I assure you lad, I am no _average_ pirate, but your assumption is correct, I do not wish to start our marriage off by testing the fates. Everyone knows it is bad luck to see the bride the night before the wedding. Belle is my friend too, why should she not attend my party?"

Henry laughed hard. "Traditionally it is men at one party and women at the other."

"The traditions of this realm are quite antiquated and tiresome. And tradition or not, The Crocodile is not invited."

"Understood," Henry answered.

"So what does one do at these parties?" Killian asked.

"Well, it depends."

"On what?"

"On who is there, who is throwing the party, what type of person the groom is. Since Gramps is putting this party together it should be something mild. Probably some alcohol and gambling, maybe darts, or pool if it's at a bar. Some bachelor parties are way out of control too, with those other things I mentioned."

"You don't suppose your mum will have one of those… umm-"

"A stripper?" Henry asked incredulously. "Gross. Of course not, does mom seem the type to want a stripper? Plus she's too busy being all googly eyed over you. Not to mention Grandma probably, or hopefully, wouldn't even know where to hire a stripper in Storybrooke. I don't think we had any alter ego strippers from The Dark Curse."

Killian chuckled at Henry's easy manner, and straightforward answers. He certainly loved his stepson.

"Now what about me? Gramps can't say no if _you_ invite me, it is your party after all. I mean almost everyone in town will be at your party or mom's. And I shouldn't be by myself, just in case the Black Fairy comes back. You wouldn't make me hang out with The Crocodile, would you?"

Killian resisted the urge to crack up. _The lad must get his powers of persuasion from his mum_ , he thought. "For starters, I don't know if I should be saying good form or bad form regarding the compelling arguments you present. Also, you shouldn't call Gold The Crocodile, he is after all your father's father, your grandfather. That's my fault, I should be more careful with the things I say. Last, I would like nothing more than for you to attend my bachelor party, it is my understanding that the _best man_ is traditionally in attendance."

Henry's eyes lit up, "Best man? Really? Wow, I'm honored."

~E~

Emma was wrapped deep in thought. Snuggly thoughts of the scene she'd witnessed from the top of the stairs just a short while earlier, as her husband-to-be asked her son to be his best man. Her eyes welled up with happy tears just thinking about it. She'd have her three boys, and her mom, at her wedding, her marriage to the love of her life.

"It's nothing to cry about, just a small celebration," Snow interrupted Emma's thoughts.

When Snow had shown up a few moments ago requesting a moment with her daughter, the boys had scattered. Henry went to his room to collect his things, not sure where he'd be sleeping tonight, and Killian had headed to their bedroom to pack a bag for the Jolly.

"What?" Emma asked, wiping away the pooling tears.

"I said, a little bachelorette party is nothing to cry about," Snow laughed at her daughter's reaction.

"Really? A bachelorette party?" Emma griped.

"Why not, honey? You are a modern woman, bachelorette parties are tradition!" Snow beamed.

"How about if this is the one time I play the princess card, because I'm pretty sure princesses do not have bachelorette parties."

"Yes, play the princess card," Snow jumped up and down, hands clasped together, "because then we are throwing a royal ball to announce your engagement!"

Emma rolled her eyes so hard she thought she might actually be able to see into the back of her head. "Bachelorette party it is," she chanted with fake enthusiasm.

"That's what I thought," replied a smug momzilla.

"Okay, but we are so not going back to Aesop's. That place is dead to me."

"I had a blast," her mom replied.

 _Shitty ass bartender_ , Emma cursed internally. "No you didn't. You were too drunk to remember you hated it."

Snow scoffed loudly, "I was not!"

"Spoken like someone who was too drunk to remember just how drunk they were."

Snow narrowed her eyes, "Says the petulant teen."

Emma rolled her eyes, just like the petulant teen her mother was labeling her. "Fine, a bachelorette party, let me know the details when you figure out what we're doing. I have a little longer to spend with Killian before he disappears for the night. He insists on spending the night on the Jolly, superstitious pirate," Emma pouted.

"Don't worry he will be in good hands tonight as well, your father is taking him out."

"Ooh, so Killian get's a bachelor party?"

"Something like that," Snow chuckled, "your father is planning it, so I'm not sure how much of a party it'll be. It'll probably be more of a bro's bonding night."

Emma and Snow broke out into laughter. The unlikely friendship between the pirate, soon-to-be prince consort, and the shepherd turned prince consort was an endless source of entertainment. The two men really did share a close bond, and both women loved it.

Henry came barreling down the stairs, "Hey Grandma," he said, giving Snow a quick kiss on the cheek. "I'm going to mom's place for a little while," he told Emma and Snow. "She puts on a brave face, but she still gets sad about Robin, so I just want to see how she's doing with all the upcoming festivities."

"You're such a good kid, when did you get all grown up?" Emma asked, ruffling his hair playfully.

"I've got a great family to learn from," he answered honestly.

"I'll give you a ride to Regina's, honey," Snow told him. "I'll text you with the details for tonight Emma."

~K & E~

Once her mother and son took their leave, she headed upstairs to spend a little quality time with Killian before they had to be separated.

"Hey babe, you ready for tonight?" she asked, trying to sound enthusiastic.

Killian turned around from the drawer where he was gathering his things for the next 24 hours. "Not particularly."

Emma's smile faltered, "Why? Aren't you excited for some bro time?"

"As dashing a man as your father is, I really only crave Emma time," Killian told her.

She walked over to him and wrapped her arms around his midsection. "I love you."

"I love you," he answered wrapping her in his arms. "I suppose these parties are well timed, as we shouldn't be seeing each other before the wedding anyhow."

"Don't remind me, as if it wasn't bad enough we are going to voluntarily spend a night separated, now I have to attend a party I don't really want." Emma rested her head against his chest, listening to the rhythmic thump of his heart, knowing she wouldn't be hearing it later on that night.

"You never know, you may have a wonderful night of drunken debauchery, with a stripper perhaps?" Killian tried to speak nonchalantly, though his quirked eyebrow gave away his poorly veiled curiosity.

"A stripper?" Emma laughed. "Why on earth would I have a stripper, where did you even hear about that tradition. I sincerely hope my mom is not getting a stripper for tonight. I don't think I could handle seeing a fairy tale character from my childhood strip. Wait, are you having a stripper?"

"I have no desire to watch another woman undress, so only if you are going to put on a show right now, darling."

"Good answer, pirate. I think that can be arranged." She pushed up onto her tiptoes and sealed her lips to his. Killian's groan of approval had Emma's insides melting quickly. She licked a path across his lips and plundered his mouth as soon as he opened to her kiss. Backing Killian up to the bed Emma pushed him down to sit on the edge. He reached out for her hips but she backed away. She quickly removed her boots and socks, then stood barefoot before him with an angelic expression upon her face. "You ready for that show?"

"Aye," his eyes sparkled with want, "I'm always ready for you darling."

With a flick of her wrist there was music floating through the room; what was a striptease without music? Emma blushed as the nastiness that was Jodeci's Freek'n You played. It was a true testament to how she was feeling at the moment.

"Every time I close my eyes

I wake up feeling so horny

I can't get you outta my mind

Sexin' you be all I see

I would give anything

Just to make you understand me

I don't give a damn about nothing else

Freek'n you is all I need…"

Killian watched Emma, transfixed on the way her agile body moved to the rhythm of the music. Even fully dressed she was a vision as she danced before him. Her hands, that had done many a wicked things to his body graced the top of her periwinkle blouse as she slowly unfastened one button at a time. When she let the garment slip languidly down her arms he stiffened at the sight of her lace covered breasts. He licked his lips wanting to suck her hardening nipples into his mouth. His attention was distracted as her hands slid down her torso to the top of her black jeans.

Emma unbuttoned her jeans, focusing on Killian's wrecked expression, rather than the fact that she was dancing and getting naked. She'd never done this before, but she was willing to try anything with him. He was a sight, tongue playing across his lips, cheeks flushed with excitement and his hand gripping the mattress edge.

"Bloody marvelous, love," he praised as she removed her jeans. She'd turned around and bent at the waist to push them down to the floor, proudly displaying her pert ass in his line of sight. He wanted to be on her, in her, she was driving him crazy. Emma smoothed her hands along the backs of her legs slowly as she stood back up, then caressed over her soft cheeks, causing a moan to leave his lips. "Emma, let me touch you, love."

She looked at him over her shoulder and shook her head no with a salacious grin on her lips and a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. Turning her head away from him she reached a hand up and pulled her hair out of the ponytail so it could flow freely across her back. Emma turned back to face Killian and reaching behind her back she unfastened her bra. She let the lace fall to the ground, then ran her hands up her stomach and over her breasts, sighing as the friction of her palms sent a jolt of pleasure through her. She sauntered toward Killian and heard his grunt of approval from way down in his throat, smiling victoriously at his reactions.

When she turned away from him once more, walking away swaying her hips and shaking her pretty backside, he felt like he might burst, and not in a flattering way. Emma was taking her sweet time, rubbing her hands all over herself, he couldn't take it anymore, he stood up and stripped himself bare, continuing to watch her the whole time. Released from his tight denim, he felt as if he could breathe again and he sat back down on the bed. The reprieve was short lived though as she hooked her thumbs into the lace of her panties, and began to leisurely shimmy them down her thighs. He wrapped a hand loosely around his painfully hard cock, needing something. When she bent over at the waist again, this time to remove her panties, he almost came all over himself. All he could focus on was her glistening pink folds, barely peeking through between her lovely legs that he wanted wrapped around his head right now so he could lick her clean. He wasn't sure when he'd started tugging so hard, pumping so fast but he was unable to stop.

Emma felt herself getting wetter. He'd been making the sexiest noises, little growls and moans, and her resolve to tease him further snapped like a rubber band when she heard the sound of flesh against flesh. She whipped around to the sight of Killian stroking his gorgeous cock, eyes latched on her. There was no shame on his face as she watched him, but rather a feral need. Emma was entranced watching him fuck into his hand, torn between wanting to see him spill his release all over his chest and wanting to ride him until he spilled himself within her. The latter won out as she felt her core clench with the desire to be well and truly fucked. Without even deciding to, she had magicked herself onto his lap, and his hands were circling her waist.

"What happened," he panted. Quickly seeing his vantage point, he sucked one of her nipples into his mouth and played with her other breast, kneading the soft flesh in his palm.

"One second I was watching you, and fuck was it hot. But then I decided I wanted your dick, and suddenly I was in your lap."

"Gods I love your filthy little mouth. Maybe I should fuck it sometime," he suggested, running his thumb over her lip. "But right now, I want to fuck you."

"You were naughty, you started without me," Emma scolded. She rubbed her core over his length, spreading her arousal over him. "So, I think I will fuck you."

"Gods lass, yes please." He brought hand and hook to her waist, coaxing her to sit up so he could slip into her. When he adjusted himself to enter her he felt the release she'd left behind, "I am going to be hard for days thinking about how wet you are right now." He moaned loudly as she took in just his tip. She was hot and slick, and he needed more. "Fuck me, Emma."

Emma wrapped both arms around his neck, using his shoulders for balance, then she thrust forcefully onto his cock, eliciting another moan of pleasure. "I love it when you moan," she whispered, then kissed him. She threaded her fingers through his hair and pulled his head to the side so she could go deeper. Their tongues met, matching the slow movement of their bodies. She was never going to get off like this, but the impact of each thrust as she slammed home was absolute pleasure, especially when her clit met with him. "You feel so good, Killian. See what we could be doing all night, what you'll be missing."

"Aye love," he gritted out, "that's why I'm going to take enough now to get me through till our wedding night." He thrust hard into her and the sensation of hitting her so deep had his balls tightening. "Yes love, that's it, fuck me good," he praised as she continued to ride him, face flush, breasts bouncing, and her mouth slightly parted.

Emma didn't want to hold out anymore, she wanted to come. She grasped his bicep in one hand, the back of his neck in the other and picked up her pace. She brought her mouth to his neck and latched on, sucking, licking, and marking him. What better way to exchange vows of together forever tomorrow than with love bites strategically sucked right below his collar line, for their enjoyment only.

Killian could feel her short gasps of air puffing against his neck as she alternated between biting, and laving. She was riding him faster, and gods she was going to make him come so hard. He pinched a hardened peak between his fingers then rolled it, enjoying the way her hips stuttered when he teased her nipples just the way she liked. He watched as she slid a hand between them and spread her folds to press three fingers against her clit; she was beautiful as she touched herself, circling desperately. "Gods Emma, you are glorious, come, I need you to come," he grunted.

Emma moaned deep as her release took over her consciousness. She thrust down repeatedly, "Yes, Killian, fuck yes." She continued to ride him as her orgasm coursed through her, pressing her fingers to her clit solidly to enjoy the pulsing throb.

Killian felt her walls start to choke and squeeze his dick, the delicious slide of her wet walls sucking him deep. He pumped twice more before spilling into her on a deep thrust. Their combined essence coated him as he stayed seated within her, he pulled her in close and just held her tight. "That was fucking fantastic. Why have you never danced for me before tonight?"

"I guess the opportunity never presented itself. The thought of another woman dancing for you, well… I wanted to be your first. At least your first here in Storybrooke." Emma rolled her eyes at herself, in three hundred years it was highly plausible that Killian had seen a dancer or two.

"You are my first everything here in Storybrooke, love, my first and only. I have never wanted anyone more. I have never needed someone, the way I need you, Emma. With you, I have everything."

Emma's eyes welled up with tears despite sitting naked atop her fiance as his cock softened inside her. "You are so perfect at words, people are going to laugh at my vows compared to yours."

He chuckled at Emma's whining. "If you get up there and tell me the truth of your heart, no one will have anything to laugh about, Swan."

She kissed him, it was the only way she knew in that moment, to show him how much her words truly affected her. They held each other and kissed, losing track of time, and everything else around them. Until both their phones chimed alerting them to incoming texts.

"Bloody hell, for once there is no looming threat, and now we must attend these parties." He reached over to his discarded pants and pulled his phone from the pocket.

"The party will take my mind off of the fact that you won't be here tonight. Although I do feel a little more prepared for the separation after this impromptu dance session," she admitted. Climbing off his lap, she walked over to her jeans and took out her phone.

They both sighed reading their texts from the party planners, then reluctantly began getting ready for their evening. A shower and a wardrobe change later they were as ready as they were going to be for their evening celebrations.

Killian pulled her in for a parting kiss, "Just so you know, Swan, this was the best damn bachelor party I could've hoped for."

"It was a pretty hot bachelorette party as well, I got to dance for this really hot guy."

Killian smirked and pressed another kiss to her lips. "We won't be getting up to anything over the top tonight, my best man will be attending after all."

Emma's smile lit up her face, and her heart pitter pattered at the thought of her son standing next to Killian tomorrow. Henry would be taking on the most important job for the groom, for his stepfather. "That sounds perfect."

"Until tomorrow, love," he whispered with a joyful smile on his face.

"I'll be there," she replied with a matching smile.

They kissed one final time before parting ways on the eve of their happy beginning.


End file.
